If you are a new mom and you struggle to connect with your child because of a broken relationship you have with your mother, please hear me out. You are not alone. I have been there. I sit in that tension with you.
I lived with my mom for the first eight years of my life before I was placed in a group home, two foster homes, and eventually adopted. Not all of those years were bad. We traveled, had lots of parties, enjoyed good food, played outdoors as a family, went out to eat and spent many evenings swimming at Gun Lake beach. My early childhood years are great memories.
Things began to get bad however when my mom could no longer handle the stresses of life and turned to alcohol to numb her pain. She was a young mom with four kids, working a full-time job and stuck in a very abusive relationship with my step-dad. She did not have a strong support system or any spiritual direction. Now that I look back, I probably would have lost my mind too. For a long time, I was very angry and bitter towards my mom because she hurt me. She verbally and physically abused me for well over a year. She made me feel abandoned, ugly and rejected.
It was an early weekday morning when the bleeding started again. We jumped in our neighbor’s car and headed to the nearest hospital. I remember feeling scared and uncertain. This was supposed to be one of the most joyous occasions and it was turning into a nightmare.
“The scariest thing a woman ever offers is to believe that she is worth pursuing, to open her heart up to pursuit, to continue to open her heart and offer the beauty she holds inside, all the while fearing it will not be enough.” – John & Stasi Eldredge
The other day, I was asked to share my proposal story. I hadn’t shared in a while and found myself giggling and blushing like a high school girl as I described the magical night.
It was a beautiful summer day in the month of June. I had spent the day with my girls getting dolled up. We had lunch at my favorite restaurant, Wishbone, and afterwards spent the day shopping and pampering ourselves with manicures and pedicures. My boyfriend at the time, now husband, asked me to reserve the evening for him. When he picked me up, he was in a tux, looking immaculate. After greeting each other with a hug and kiss, he escorted me out the door and we walked down the street hand in hand. Now ladies, I had on heels and was hoping the destination was nearby because my feet were already killing me.